Here at KK, we are delighted to welcome Kitten Sarah into the Kitten fold, as a guest contributor to our blog. Sarah is simply purrfect with her honest, inspiring writing.
The paradoxical power of submission: finding freedom and pleasure in BDSM
We’ve all dabbled with the likes of fluffy handcuffs and a little bit of light choking, but what is it about submitting oneself wholly to a man that gets us kittens so wet? Contrary to common feminist belief, many women, including myself, find certain strength in submission that tastes so seductively sweet.
“It is always by way of pain one arrives at pleasure”, these words from the Marquis de Sade may have once been the centre of much controversy, but for centuries men and women have practiced the art of Bondage, Dominance, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism (BDSM), and today the question remains the same: is BDSM repressing female sexuality or empowering it? There have been many (mostly questionable) depictions of Dominant/Submissive (D/s) relationships in popular culture – the hideously cringeworthy Fifty Shades of Grey, to name but one, which isn’t doing the BDSM community much justice. I feel as a submissive it is my duty to defend the BDSM community and to try to shed some light on how and why being a submissive woman is a beautiful thing.
Although she kneels before you, she will never be below you…
Firstly, the trust between a sub and her dominant is so incredibly great, that when she gives herself up to him entirely, it is almost like an out of body experience; she is in “subspace”. Reality melts away and nothing matters but his next move, his next command. You focus on his voice, his touch, your breath becomes shallow, and the only vocabulary you now know is “yes sir”.
Forget the whips and chains for a second, because a lot of submission comes from psychological dominance, and unfortunately guys, a little bit of light choking just isn’t going to cut it. When you tap into the mind of a sub, that is when you truly own her, because you know what makes her tick; her deepest darkest fears, her most masochistic fantasies, and you my friend are the one to bring those to life. Doesn’t sound so easy now, eh boys?
What I always say to people who ask me “why do you like pain?” is that BDSM is so much more than just rough sex. It is a physical and psychological exchange that allows me, an otherwise hardworking, professional and ambitious woman, to completely let go of everything and allow him, the dominant, to have total control over my pleasure. Yes, I like pain, but in order to enjoy that pain in a safe, sane and consensual way, there has to be clear communication and understanding on both parts. This largely involves three main components: agreeing on safe words, discussing hard and soft limits, and aftercare.
I can’t stress these enough as the fundamental foundations that a BDSM relationship is built on. Whether you identify as a sub, pet, or little, the concept is the same. The role of dominant, or master, or daddy, is ultimately to care for their sub, to nurture and to guide them, and to help them reach their full potential for both his pleasure and for hers.
“Slut” as a term of endearment
Some might wonder how certain acts of torture and humiliation could make a woman feel empowered, and my answer to that is, a submissive isn’t just any old slut, she is his slut, and that is the most common misconception about girls who liked to be dominated. In fact, in a world where women are faking orgasms waaaaay too often, we should all take heed of what being submissive is essentially all about: opening yourself up to a world of pleasure you might not otherwise know exists. Submissive women are incredibly sure of themselves sexually, and I for one am very open about what I like and very adamant that I won’t settle for anything less than that. Thus, my own submission ironically comes from a very dominant place, and I would never let anyone take it for granted. In the bedroom and between me and him, I am his dirty little slut, but at the same time, I am his princess. After all the punishments and degradation, I feel safe and comforted. That is the side of BDSM a lot of people don’t see, and it truly is a beautiful thing.
So ladies, if the thought of being put in your place turns you on, embrace it and own it. Fuck Christian Grey, get yourself a man who will listen to your needs and fulfil them, who will hear your concerns and silence them, who will discover your boundaries and push them, safely. If you are lucky enough to have someone in your life strong enough to handle your desire to submit, let go and don’t look back. I promise you will experience pleasure (and pain) like nothing you’ve ever felt before, and you’ll be left begging for more, like a good girl.
For those of you who are looking to meet like-minded people and explore your submissive or dominant side in good company, come join us at the Dungeon inside Killing Kittens parties!
Hello kittens, my name is Sarah. I’m passionate about all things BDSM and encouraging female sexual liberation. I enjoy good wine, travelling and dancing salsa. You can read more from me at my blog .