Love or Lust?

As Valentine’s Day approaches and we bask in the sheer glory of love, the other sensations are pushed into the shadows. So let’s shine some light on lust and infatuation! How do we know if we are experiencing a jab of the feels? How do we know if we have determined that we’ve felt those feels but our brain has simply mislabelled it? Here are some strong signals which will help you spot the difference.

Love and lust can all be received positively and send some pretty strong endorphins to our brains. Similarly, they can all create a connection with a partner that feels euphoric, especially at the start of a relationship, but they are very different emotions and to confuse them could be disastrous.

So, here at KK, we’re here to show you the comparisons and contrasts between these three little pickles! First thing’s first, let’s check those dictionary definitions!

 

Lust

Intense or acute sexual desire or appetite.

Illicit or uncontrolled sexual desire or appetite.

An overmastering or passionate desire or craving.

To have intense sexual desire.

To have a desire or yearning to have an excessive craving or strong craving.

We need to understand that lust is not just used for sexual desire; it is used for intense hunger, passion, or craving for things which are considered materialistic in our society. For example, someone’s lust for power, meaning their intense desire to be in power. Essentially, we should think of ‘lust’ as an exceptionally strong emotion that creates a need, a desire – it’s stronger than a ‘want’. Lust can actually cause obsession, specifically when it comes to a lust for power.

In our daily life we hear the word “lust” and relate it to someone’s sexual desire towards someone, but the core of this word refers to an intense craving for something or someone. The hunger is so strong that one wants to achieve whatever they desire with or without rules. Morality, legitimacy, and appropriateness do not figure or mean much when one lusts after something or someone, IE: lust is so strong that it can sway your moral compass.

Lust for someone can be mistaken for love very easily as the object of a person’s desire might consider lust of someone for them as intense love. But, as we all know, love is virtuous and only inspires people to do positive things, to become the best person you can be for your partner. Lust, however, can be a result of a negative inspiration. It might be a selfish act to please only oneself and disregard the feelings or pleasure of another. It is absolutely conditional; the condition being attaining something or someone at all costs. That lust emotion is a selfish little devil, isn’t it?

Love

If you’ve only known the person for a short time, then the question that may be running around your mind is: Is it infatuation or love? These two are actually the easiest to confuse. Love takes a period of time to develop, (which totally backs up my theory about Romeo and Juliet. That wasn’t love – they fell in love the second they laid eyes on each other!). It takes intimacy, which requires a connection or attachment to someone. Love is about familiarity, which forms when a bond has been developed. You may feel attached to them, but if you have not taken the time to develop an intimate connection, then that attachment is more than likely coming from being infatuated, not real endgame love.

 

The Moment

How time plays into this! Relationships with people, be romantic or platonic, are always building toward a certain ‘moment’. Even hatred leads us to desire no more ‘moments’, so each emotion links to the concept of a timeline – be that past, present or future. No ghosts of Christmas past here, though. Well. Not unless you count your exes.

LUST – Lust is in the present moment. It works from the positive attention you receive, the whirlwind of fun and that butterfly sensation.

LOVE – Love is about both the present moment and the future. It is wanting your partner by your side through good and bad: to share the journey of life with you.

Physical Attraction

We know the importance of physical attraction within a relationship. That being said, the type of physical attraction may alter and change throughout a relationship.

LUST – Lust is an intense, physical attraction. The attraction is so huge that you make a massive effort. You feel the need to impress and entice them.

LOVE – There is an attraction, but your level of comfort is strong. You feel as secure in that LBD as you do your joggers. It’s that whole waking up with fake eyelashes attached to your cheek, Chinese food spilled on your pyjamas and your partner is all ‘damn. She’s so beautiful’. Although, that may be pushing it…

Is it purely sexual?

LUST  – Most, if not all the time is spent talking about sex, thinking about sex, and having sex! Chances are there isn’t much pillow talk! At the early stages of a relationship, this tends to be the case. Lust can often grow into love, so don’t see it as a negative!

LOVE – You have great sex, but the connection is deeper than that. It isn’t all about sex, there are other things about your partner that interests you too. Plus, sex becomes epic when you’re in love with the person you’re banging. It’s about the connection and the sensation that the connection creates, as well as being good in bed.

Deep Conversation

LUST – Your conversations mostly revolve around sex. You can have a great sex life but lack an emotional connection. Real feelings or future plans are not a thought. Again: short term, not long term.

LOVE – You talk for hours and hours about anything and everything. You want to find out as much as you can about your partner, their perspective on the world and what they want from life. Long term, not short term.

The Annoying Bits

LUST – These parts are ignored, even those bright red flags. You want to keep it ‘nice’, maintain the lust, keep the sex going. Your partner is put on a pedestal, and you do not want to see their faults. It often leads to irrationality.

LOVE – You’re often able to communicate more openly and honestly. It is important to iron out the annoying bits in order to move on with the future. You accept your partner’s flaws and love them anyway. You will stand by your partner during the toughest of circumstances. Your partner helps you grow.

Are you guys a ‘we’?

LUST – You see each other very independently of each other. You make decisions with only yourself involved (IE: making plans as a single person rather than as a couple). You may be lovers but not necessarily friends. You’re not particularly interested in hearing every detail of their childhood: how much they weighed when they were born, when their first kiss was, their fifth cousin twice removed. You get me.

LOVE – In thoughts and actions you consider your partner. You are lovers and friends. You make decisions for the two of you. You see yourselves as a couple. With you, comes your partner. You make future plans together. You talk about and build toward the life you want. You encourage each other to show the best parts of yourselves, but the worst bits are embraced and loved in spite of.

It’s important to note that none of these emotions are inferior to the other. Because of the side effects, if you will, of each emotion, it’s easy to confuse them. As long as you are labelling the right emotion this Valentines Day, you can then build a healthy relationship with clear aims. If you’re visiting your booty call on the 14th February or you’re celebrating your golden anniversary, you can now confidently understand the emotions you’re feeling, the reasons why, and make decisions based on this assignment. We wish you the most glorious Valentine’s day full of sex and infatuation/lust/love, whatever stage or emotion you’re feeling!

 

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